The Day I Woke Up

The curtain closes. The castle collapses. The eyes open. 

And one day the imaginary world that you built for yourself begins to deconstruct and turn into a pile of bricks. It's 1:34 am and my eyes burn from the starking realization that the plan I created for myself is not the actual plan for my life - that the image I made for myself is a new canvas that I have no permission to draw on. 

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will travel to such and such a city and spend a year there and do business and make a profit.” You don’t even know what tomorrow will bring - what your life will be! For you are like a smoke that appears for a little white, then vanishes. Instead, you should say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”
— James 4:13-15

This happened to me when I was 12. 

And this happens to me today.

This doesn't necessarily happen every time something bad happens, it happens because sometimes you forget that God has complete ownership of your life - not you.

This painful realization strikes because no matter how perfectly organized and color coded your planner is, you really don't know what will happen in tomorrow.

But giving my 24 count crayons to the Maker of this universe doesn't mean I have to walk into a colorless world. It means that I'm trading it in to fully trust God with whatever happens in my life. I mean, how could it be colorless when you give it up to the Artist who created all the shades in-between? Even the gray shades and the happiest of yellow shades. 



But when? When did my thinking become so dim?



When did thinking about the worst of worst become reality?



When did negative thinking become synonymous with realistic thinking?




It didn't. It never was.

Living in reality can be done with a cheerful heart that dares to be grateful and smile in all situations, just as much as it can be done with a broken spirit and a bitter heart. Joy isn't naivety. Positive thinking isn't naivety. 

Reality can be both hurt and it can be healing. Life and death. Light and darkness.

And so let me wake up to see the light.

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Rebecca SongComment