When I was around 13 , I had a small yet deep wound on my elbow... what a strange place to get a wound! Anyhow, the nurse at the hospital gave me a wet gauze so that it would heal quickly. I wore that thing everyday and had it changed every night by my mother. Then, one day while my mom was changing it, she gasped loudly. To satisfy my curiosity, I hesitantly walked over to the mirror to check my wound. I cried a river. My wound was 3 times it's original size. And years later, I learned from this scary personal experience that if you keep a wound closed too long, it won't heal. You need to be able to air out the wounds and hurts of your heart for them to heal properly.
And so tonight, I'll bring out one of my closed off wounds to the open, because I believe there is extreme power in bringing out your wounds in hopes to encourage and speed up the recovery in someone else's.
This month has been a really big emotional battle for me. Believe it or not, I've struggled with depressive episodes in the past, but they were usually infrequent and easier to overcome. But this month has been different, because I've been letting the darkness defeat me repetitively. It's the type of darkness that comes like a thief in the night, and steals the color out of life and paints a thick coat of hopelessness over it. It tells you to lock your door, and hide away from the world. Why? I'm not too sure, but you do it anyway because that's the only thing you feel you are capable of.
I know I was created to be joyful, because it just feels so instinctive. However, though it may be easy for me to be happy and all giddy, sometimes it’s a tough fight. I believe that joy awaits for us as we continue to seek the Lord, and find satisfaction in only him. I truly believe that with all my heart - in fact, if it wasn't for Him I don't think I could burst into dance or have a silly grin stuck on my face. But at the same time, I also believe that we live in a fallen and broken world, and there will be times when having a joyful heart and an anchoring hope will be extremely difficult. It will be a fight - because in those times your anguish will seem bigger than anything else.
The fight tugs you out of bed and tells you to get up so you can start your day. The fight tells you to stop isolating yourself and get out of your room, regardless of how you feel. The fight tells you do something and not just lay around in bed. The fight tells you to write a public blog post, no matter how much you don't want to bring this to the light. The fight says instead of letting that anguish wear you down and fog up your vision, you will lift your eyes onto the Lord in the mist of it all.
You will lift your eyes in the hurt and pain.
You will come to Him in your tears and heavy heart.
You will come to Him despite the season you are in, whether it is abundant and rich as spring, or dry and cold as winter.
You will fixate your eyes on what Jesus as finished and overcome on the cross, through his excruciating death and resurrection.
And you will continue to come to Him even when it hits again, because He is there and for us. You will keep on fighting and fighting the flesh, and keep your eyes on eternity while you do so.
So all who you may being experiencing any sort of darkness in your life right now, come and rest in His embrace. Let Him comfort your troubled spirit.